As it happens, parents would rather talk about pretty much any other part of their personal life than answer this question. But when they finally do start talking, almost everyone has the same misconceptions about the process. In fact, most folks are letting four major myths hold them back from getting the job done and protecting their kid in case the worst happens.
Estate Planning can be a pretty off-putting subject for many people. And, since the subject matter is one’s own death, it’s easy to understand why. Sometimes, however, it may be easier to just think about estate planning in terms of money or assets.
Nevertheless, the issues that are worth planning for are often more immediate. For example, every parent has a good reason to nail down the issue of guardianship for their minor children.
To that end, Jacoba Urist at the Huffington Post recently put together the four dangerous myths about choosing a guardian:
- The myth of the perfect match. What would the perfect match look like? Someone just like you, presumably (and you personally, in a perfect world.) Nevertheless, it’s a convenient myth for putting off any decision and getting any planning done. Remember: You can always name a new guardian as your child grows or as circumstances change. It is always best to state your preference for a guardian in writing, because here in California, if you do not express your preference and nominate a guardian, the Court will look at the best interest of the child and it will also consider the "priority" of family members. This is particularly important if you do not want your family (or your spouse's family) to be appointed the guardian of your child.
- The myth that someone will step up and solve the issue anyway. While it may be true that your family members will swoop in, that doesn’t mean they will all agree on who ought to do so (or that the family members you would want to will even be able). It can mean a family fight and, in that case, the one who actually chooses is the judge. A fight is expensive, and while the proposed guardians may pay their attorney fees from their own money, the "winner" may request that his or her attorneys fees are paid from the minor's estate (if there is an estate).
- The myth that you can just leave a letter hidden somewhere. Many parents write a letter asking a loved one to become guardian and then tuck it away so that it can be found if the need should arise. Although that’s better than nothing, it’s not legally binding. The best place to name a guardian of your children is in your Will and your revocable living trust.
- The myth that you don’t have to ask. If you don’t ask you’ll never know how your guardian feels about your decision. Deciding this issue in advance can help your family and your children in a difficult time. If you nominate a guardian (without first confirming they are willing to care for your child(ren), your child(ren) could be faced with not having a guardian and defering to the Court's choice.
People are very specific about how they wish to distribute their personal items and estate. They usually have no qualms about making this decision; however, getting a parent to name a guardian for their children is the most difficult decision. While most parents can name the person (or people) who they do not want as guardians, they have a very difficult time "allowing" someone else to raise their children in their absence. While most people are able to detaching themselves from "their stuff," it is completely another thing to ask a parent to detach themselves from their children. Not only does it make a parent face their own mortality, it also makes a parent face the possibility that they might not be present to raise their own children, which is very difficult for parents to handle. From a purely selfish perspective (and I say this as a parent), I cannot (and do not) want to imagine a life where I am not present to experience my children's school plays, soccer games, graduations, and other experiences.
As a parent, you are extremely experienced in putting your children first, so think about your children's best interests and who is the best person to raise your children, if you (and your spouse) pass away.
Take a look at the original article here, and maybe consider if you’re holding yourself back from making a decision. Often, proper planning begins in one place and spreads out into an entire plan, so perhaps this is how you come to find your plans and your priorities.
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Reference: The Huffington Post (October 24, 2011) “4 Dangerous Myths About Choosing a Guardian”